Life is good, things are getting made. Things that I am proud to share with others. I have plans in the works to make more things and soon enough I’ll have someone to share all the love that’s spilling over with; accumulating from all the excitement of the process.
Simple addiction, neural activity. Replace the one with the other so now I can’t stop producing lest I feel sick. Art over ego, who will reign supreme. When I reach the proverbial plateau of happiness then the focus can narrow, in the meantime, I’m going to use every last ego boost I can get my hands on to climb up the face of that crooked cliff. The crevasse down below beckons me and promises a soft landing in pools of clear complacency. Ah yes, I know those waters well. Familiarity breeds new beginnings - albiet through a vale of contempt. Letting go can be novel depending on what you relinquish from your grasp.
Cycling through South Central is so much more real than going up to Griffith Park. I get laughed at, cheered on, and ice-grilled all with the honesty that makes me happy to be human. With any luck (as a result - and respectively) I brightened someone’s Sunday, inspired another’s, and gave that guy (trapped in the fear of his own potential) a competitive prodding.
Keep it real LA, keep it real.
I like writing things like “Are you sure?” above toilets or urinals then observing the change in the guy who walked in after me (oblivious to the fact that I had just done this), who blatantly stares at it for the duration of his pissing pleasure. The combination of the primal, subconscious euphoria of relieving himself mixed with the anxiety of questioning his thoughts leaves him walking out with a visible change in his character.
I really should be asleep. I forgo the after-party for sending comical/creepy messages to internet acquaintances and looking for videos to mash up into video art. This is about to get way too personal (hi mom… if you’re reading this can you skip this part please or just never acknowledge it to me in any way? k, thanks), god.. I lost it. Gone. Nothing personal oh.. wait.. there it is, it’s back. I’m such a fucking sap. Seriously, either that or I’m finally growing a conscience and morals. Drinking with strangers that have known me for years just no longer appeals to me. I want love; in my life, in my relationships with friends and lovers, and in my work. I know the only way that I’ll get this is by working hard at it (it’s proven effective) and I’m game. If I were going to drink or drug away my feelings, I would’ve been in a better place for it already, with more sex and heroin around. I’m here, at my desk (almost wrote seks), on my laptop. This is my connection to the world and to everything I desire right now. So soak in these warm drippings of love juice coming off of my fingertips through the keyboard, traveling via bluetooth and cyberspace to end up on the screen you see before you. Know that if you’re reading this, they’re for you.
tricks are for pimps
Stupid pebbles. Been carrying this boulder for so long…
Wait, there were interests involved? I think we already passed the bloom lake. Horse radish gets stuck so far up your nose that it burns out the bad intentions and brightens the brown into a blinding, brave, and bold azure. There we go.
Relax in this upside down swimming pool of love while I bring you a golden chalice of enlightenment to sip from. The night has dirty tricks that it likes to play and the game starts at ten. Uniforms, unibrows, and unicorns will all be in attendance.
Golden bird sings her song silently in her cage.
Crystal bars reverberate synchronicity.
It takes an unprecedented amount of work for most people to believe in themselves. Due to the overwhelming tendencies that most of us have to revert to destructive habits (learned by years of hearing those close to us give poorly thought out advice; projections of unfulfilled desires) we are already neurologically programmed in regards to how we deal with our emotions, people, and life in general.
For those of us that would like to change that channel, reprogramming may take us the remainder of our lives. Like everything else in life, the first step is always the biggest and most validating. One thing that I find for myself is that I need numerous activities readily available for when I revert to my previously ingrained habits. Some of the activities that help me are:
Creativity - This is the biggest for me. I need to produce that which can be read, listened to, or seen by others.
Exercise - Because the capacity for your mind to be healthy in an unhealthy body is far less than in a healthy one.
Exploration - Read, listen, watch, and participate actively in those activities. The brain is constantly changing the way you use forms habits that allow you to better use it in that way (be that negative or positive!).
All of these are very general and up to the interpretation of the individual. All the clichés about baby steps; the only way to build habit is through consistency. That consistency has to start out at a point where it can grow from.
Creating the energy for good things to occur in your life is crucial. Each person will find that this is different for them and will vary depending on what they really want in life. Surrounding yourself with good people that believe in and support you is something that will subsequently appear as soon as you start to believe in yourself.
A study that I recently came across can help explain some of the topics I touch on here in much greater detail and with proven scientific research:
Monster fucking energy fcuk the right back into youl ife… itches.